then i'll be happy
Release Date: 3/99
Album: THE SCAPEGOAT FACTORY
Writer: ADAM MARSLAND
Lyrics:
This angry forehead falls away
Then I'll be happy
And every dogged man will have his day
Then I'll be happy
Woke with a shudder from the worst of dreams
But what the nightmare took away
The breath of dawn redeems
And if I can breathe again
Then I'll be happy
He didn't blow his mind out in a car
Then I'll be happy
And everything is fine right where you are
Then I'll be happy
I hope that someday youíll awaken too
Healed of every burden
That has bedeviled you
And to your own self be true
Then I'll be happy
I've hurt more people than Iíve let hurt me
There are people Iíve hurt by speaking honestly
They say the truth may inflict pain
They say the truth will set you free
And if they come to understand one tenth of me
Then I'll be happy
Peace on everyone who hears my voice
And if you reject me now
I respect your choice
But if tomorrow finds you with one reason to rejoice
Then I'll be.... happy.
Adam sez:
Possibly the best track on THE SCAPEGOAT FACTORY, and although there were some near-solo tracks on SCAPEGOAT and one on YOU DON'T KNOW ME ("My Kickass Life"), this is the only song on any of my studio albums where I played all the instruments myself. This was partly because I wanted a certain basic meat-and-potatoes feel to the rhythm track and partly because since it was a message of love and forgiveness directed to Rob and James, I felt I was obligated to say it alone. Whatever the reason, layering the instruments one by one in that way wound up giving the finished track a clarity that was lacking on most Cockeyed Ghost recordings up to that point. I particularly enjoyed playing the bass, something I very rarely do. It was fun working out a syncopation with a drum track you'd laid down yourself.
I've played drums in a few garage bands over the years, and I've periodically gotten competent at it, but every time I'm about to get good I get distracted and stop playing entirely for years at a time, and so I never seem to progress past a certain point. And with a drummer like Kurt who is endlessly patient in working with me to get parts down, I usually don't really need to go there, anyway. But there is a value to just being able to lay down a tight, basic beat -- one of my favorite drummers is Dennis Wilson, and coincidentally we both have the same peculiar drum style (left hand-hi hat, right hand-snare, right handed kit, which means you are always going to get a solid 2 and 4) -- so it's good to have that ability even if you don't use it very much. "Then I'll Be Happy" was the most challenging drum part I'd had to record up to that point...it's a straight ahead beat, but it's a rapid-fire bass drum pattern and it had to be spot-on. It took several hours and if I recall correctly, the drum track was the first thing we laid down. In other words, there was no rhythm guitar guide track or anything like that. I don't think there was even a click. I played the drums solo to the song in my head and then layered the whole thing over it.
I believe there's a hidden value to having some skill at rhythm instruments because it forces you to think about the groove and keeping good time. When you play guitar or keyboards exclusively, it's very easy to think solely in terms of the notes you play and the sounds you make, and not as much about where you're putting those notes relative to the beat. The longer I play and arrange, the more I realize that time is everything, even if you're playing a "top" instrument, or even singing. I think it's significant that most of the good one-man band artists over the years were solid drummers. I wish I'd focused on this earlier in my musical life.
The guitar solo was composed entirely ahead of time (in fact I think the guitar solo may have come before the actual song did!), using "Head On" by Jesus and Mary Chain as a starting point, and the long fade was a way to end the album on a note of reconciliation and peace...plus it made a great closing number live.